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All Episodes of Spongebob Squarepants REVIEWED!
Spongebob Squarepants is a television series about a cartoon sponge. Reviews *'Mid-Life Crustacean' is a terrible episode. Mr. Krabs is treated horribly by everyone -- always getting called an "old man" and Spongebob and Patrick annoy him without even knowing it. At least so I thought. Toward the end SB and Patrick break into Mr. Krab's mother's house and start touching her panties. First of all, this is a horrible lesson for kids. You do NOT break into people's homes, let alone fondle your own mother's undergarments. This teaches kids that it's okay to do those things, which just enrages me. On top of that, Mr. Krabs didn't even know it was his mother's house. Spongebob and Patrick intentionally misled him there for their sick kicks. At the end Krab's mother walks in and sees her son groping her bloomers. Mr. Krabs is grounded over this, completely ruining his already terrible day. Just awful. The way Mr. Krabs was treated in this episode make me gag. Krabs just wanted to have some fun, but in return he gets verbally abused, embarrassed, and humiliated. It's all in all a very disgusting and dehumanizing episode that makes my skin crawl. Krabs isn't psychically tortured like a Squidward Torture Porn, but he does mentally. I don't think I can stomach talking about this trite any longer. 2/10 *'Chocolate With Nuts' is a horrible episode. Right off the bat, the episode starts with unnecessary cruelty. Spongebob scares the mailman off by hiding in the mailbox, which is just creepy. Spongebob also throws out Gary's mail while trying to search for his. Keep in mind this is only *15 seconds* into the episode and I already want to shut it off. It only gets worse from here. Spongebob and Patrick then get the idea to sell chocolate bars, which isn't even a thing in real life. How are kids supposed to relate to this? Sea creatures can't even eat chocolate. Anyway, the first fish person they try to sell to is some mentally unhinged lunatic who chases SB and Patrick off. This is a good lesson to kids: don't knock on a stranger's door. SB and Patrick then come across a snake oil salesman, and buy candy carrying bags off of him. They knock on another house and it's the same guy again, but he's selling bigger bags. Spongebob and Patrick being the buffoons they are, buy the bags off him AGAIN. The amount of flanderization on display here is staggering. Remember when these characters had common sense? I hope the writers got fired. Oh wait they did, haha. Later SB and Patrick get the idea to be nicer to the potential customers because they aren't making any sales. A fish person opens the door and Patrick says "I love you", which in 2019 is harassment. This episode has already aged poorly. The fish guy says he can't eat chocolate because it makes him fat. I had to pause the episode right here due to how appalled I was. What's wrong with being fat?? This is a horrible lesson for kids, adults, ANYONE, really. You're beautiful for who you are. Own your body. Don't listen to this stupid cartoon show about a talking Sponge. Ugh. Anyway, Spongebob and Patrick go and harass another customer by staring intently at him and even peaking inside of his house. I should be more mad at this, but the fish person calls Patrick "chubby", a slur against fat people. After another failed sale, SB and Patrick get the bright idea to to start lying to the potential customers in order to make a sale. The amount of immoral BS in this 11 minute episode just makes me sick to my stomach. How did any parent allow their kids to watch this trite? This is like the fifth time I've come close to shutting off the episode and just giving up on making these reviews... but I must continue. A montage of Spongebob and Patrick lying to customers commences. They even dress themselves up to look badly injured to gain sympathy from people and make them want to buy their chocolate bars. However, the fish person they do this on (which is the same con artist from earlier) is also pretending to be badly injured, and SB and Patrick fall for it. They end up with more chocolate, and that deranged lunatic from earlier finds SB and Patrick and buys all their chocolate. They spend the money they made on a date with the old ladies they had lied to earlier. Despite deceiving and harassing customers, the two were able to get a happy ending out of this train wreck of an episode. None of the characters were likeable, there were loads of immoral shenanigans such as slurs, fat shaming, lying, deception, harassment, etc. This episode was never okay to watch but in 2019 it's even more appalling than when it first aired. I can't muster up the energy to say more about this atrocity, so: 1/10 *'Band Geeks' is an unfunny episode. The episode starts with Squilliam Fancypants calling his arch-rival Squidward. Squlliam's arrogance and dehumanization of Squidward was hard to watch. Squill wants Squid to cover for him at the Bubble Bowl with his own band. So Squid puts some flyers to recruit for his band, which leads into a montage showing Mr. Krabs presumably defecating into a toilet followed by a naked Larry the Lobster taking a shower. This isn't appropriate at all for a kid's show. My friend's child I was babysitting walked in the room at this part and I had to quickly change the channel. Anyway, Squidward goes to band practice and asks the crowd if they've played an instrument before. Patrick stupidly says "Is mayonnaise an instrument?", which one of the most unfunny jokes I've heard in a while. It's just being random for the sake of being random. The band starts to do a test performance and the drum players blow on the drum sticks and spit them out at Squidward, almost impailing him, to which Squidward says "To bad that didn't kill me.." First of all, that's not how you play the drums. Young kids might put drum sticks in their mouth and choke to death because of this episode. Second, how is this funny in any way?! There's nothing funny about Squidward almost getting impailed by drum sticks and him wishing it would've killed him. That's just sadistic and cruel. After that Squid asks the class about rhythm, and Spongebob responds with a question about kicking (a chorus line). This leads to Patrick kicking Sandy. Haha, get it? Spongebob is a really funny and clever show with subtle humor... Ugh. Sandy beats up Patrick and turns him into a trumpet. Get it? He's a TRUMPet and he's an incompetent buffoon... This is the only good joke in the episode, for obvious reasons. All art is political and this is proof. Next Squidward does a march with The band. The flagwarmers twirl their flags too hard and and up propelling into the sky and crashing into a blip. They only had this marching scene just for this one "joke", which isn't remotely funny. Two innocent people getting killed isn't funny, and the fact that this episode has this scene and it aired 4 days before 9/11 is just disturbing. The next scene is Plankton blowing into a harmonica. At this point I'm just bored, because this scene has no jokes and it drags on for far too long. I can't beleive this made it past the writing room. After that is more band practice, which leads to constant insults, blackmail, harrassment. This makes Squidward borderline suicidal, which is a reference to the famous lost episode of the show. Squidward storms off and says he'll tell people his band died in a marching accident. What is up with this episode and death? After that Spongebob scolds the band members for not being there for Squidward (even though he was also apart of the problem). He then asks Larry who saved him after he almost died from overdosing on "tanning" pills. I'm not joking this is actually in the episode. Larry says it was "some guy in an ambulance", which makes Spongebob comes to the conclusion that if they pretend Squidward is a firefighter or some guy in an ambulance they'll know what's like to be in a marching band. Okay. Ugh, let's get this over with. The final act. The Bubble Bowl. The band starts playing the big song. Instead of creating their own song (like Mimic Madness) apologizing for the pain and misery they've caused Squidward, they play some rock song from the 80s. This shocks Squillam, causing him to have a heart attack, and some guys in an ambulance take him away. So I guess Spongebob's plan did work out after all. The final shot of the episode is Squidward jumping in celebration, which is cruel and unfunny, because Squillam just had a heart attack. Sigh Yeah I hated this episode. It's full of violence, insults, death, and despair. 2/10